Lost In My Own Mind

by Sasha W., Age 8 , Grade 8, Lexington Montessori School, Lexington, MA USA
Teacher: George Hakim

The Beginning

“Take her, treat her well, and live happily ever after.” I could barely hear what they were saying from my little baby ears. At that time I was only four months old but I knew something was wrong so I started crying and wailing. At that moment my mother ran off I knew my life would never be the same.

   13 Years Later…

Hi my name is Maybell and I am 13 years old. I live in Orlando, Florida in a four story house. I don’t know how I could live if I didn’t have my own floor with a secret back door to the back yard. I couldn’t live without this because I don’t want to see my dad every day. I am pretty independent, I cook almost all my meals but sometimes with my stepmom. My least favorite day of the week is Sunday, the day I have to have dinner with my so called “family”.

My favorite day of the year is halloween because it’s the one day I don't have to be myself. I can’t believe I still have to wait a whole month. My dad sent me to this horrible school called Crystal Prep. I have to wear the most horrible uniform. I have to wear a dress the most awful thing in my opinion. And on the cold days I have to wear this coat that I think is absolutely hideous. And to top it all off I have to wear a tie that says CP.

It would make my life so much better if my dad would let me go to Marino Public School. No uniforms, less strict teachers, less homework, and best of all it’s free, which means more money towards fixing the pool. But that’s just a dream in the sky.

Ever since mom left dad hasn't been the same. He has been crabby, depressed and just closed up.

                        Welcome to my life…


The Last Straw

Faster, almost there!” I could here my best friend Abby was yelling. “Come on last lap!” I felt the water against my face I knew that I was about to break my school's record for most laps in 1 minute. I was one yard  away to my fifth lap, my goal, then I heard something that stopped me. My dad's truck was just pulling up. I started panicking as I got out of the water, the constant honking coming from my dad’s truck wasn’t helping calm me down. As soon as I got out of the water Abby was a little angry that I was 1 yard away to the water's edge and didn’t finish. “What happened! You were so close!”  “Abby my dad’s here, not my step-mom I need to go.” “Hold up! Remember to tell your dad about the meet this weekend!” Abby yelled. “Oh my gosh, thanks!” I shouted back as we were pulling away. “What was this about a meet?” asked my dad and I knew that I might not go to this meet.   

Dad I told you that there’s a meet this weekend and you said  that Mari would take me.” “Well plans change and Mari has a meeting that day.” I started to get worried, “Dad this is the meet that qualifies me to regionals.” Now I was really worried thinking what my coach would say almost brought tears to my eyes. “What if we got Abby to bring me.” I asked. I was trying to find a solution because I knew that my dad wouldn’t take me and Mari wouldn’t be able to, but I needed to go to this meet. “Fine. Call her and see if she can pick you up and drive you to this meet.” dad said. I felt the anger building and building up inside of me. I wanted to yell at him because he could take me. All of my life he has never been there for me even when I needed him most. I understand that mom left him, but I miss her to, even though I never knew her, all I wanted my whole life is a family who supported me and let me go to a more friendly school, a parent that will ask how my day was, and be there when I need a shoulder to cry on, other than my stepmom who is usually at work. I started crying as soon as we went into the house and once I started I couldn’t stop. The tears just kept on coming and coming until they had ran out.       



A Forgotten Day

I woke up not remembering what was wrong with the pool, put on my bathing suit and ran silently out. I turned up the heat so I wouldn't freeze then I climbed on to the diving board. I always get a rush of excitement before I jump into the pool. I count down from                          5 like I always do than I jump in. I felt a bust of cold than I felt at home in the warm water. Just then I feel like I was being sucked down to the bottom of the pool. Deeper and deeper than...




I hear a deep voice talking fast in a worried tone. I feel my heart beating much faster than normal,  even though I don’t even know what normal is. I don’t know where I am, who I am or why I am where I am. I open my eyes. “She’s awake!” The man with the deep voice says. He reaches in  and I push him away. I try to say something but all that comes out is a strange noise. I look across the room trying to read what's on the door I couldn’t. I am so confused who are these people why am I here. There is so many things going through my head and I can’t say any of them. I am lost. I finally hear something I can understand. “Is she ok doc?” When I heard that I got the sense I was in the hospital. The next thing I heard was “It’s a huge memory loss.” I didn’t understand most of that, but the way that I am feeling now I am guessing that I am in the hospital for a reason. I look down and see all sorts of tubes and wires attached to me. I couldn’t find out if this was normal or not. I assumed, not. The what I was guessing was a doctor leaned over and shined something in my eyes. I closed them. I didn’t want to open them again but I did because I wanted to know what was going on. He shined it in my eyes again and this time I didn’t shut them. “She doesn't have a concussion.” he said. “Okay. So why isn’t she talking to us?” The man with the deep voice said. “Well it seems that she was under the water for too long and she has lost most of her memory. The thing is I don’t know how much.” The doctor said. Now I made a sound trying to yell but all that came out sounded like something was dying. They must have gotten the message cause’ the man with the deep voice started talking. I was trying hard to put the words together and finally made sense of it. This is what it sounded like to me. “Do you think that she needs food, or water? Maybe she needs to go to the bathroom. What if she is uncomfortable and she doesn't know how to move?!” The man with a deep voice was walking back and forth through the room and sounded like he was totally freaking out. “You can take her home tonight but she cannot go to a normal school.” I heard the man with the deep voice talk again “I will do anything to make my daughter as happy and comfortable as possible .” I now was more confused than ever. I guess I never thought who my parents were. Then again I don’t know much about anything. A daughter, come on I look nothing like him or do I? The voices started again. “I will give you a list of things that will be hard for her and we can discuss where she can go to school. Let’s go into the meeting room and let her sleep.” I didn’t feel tired but I closed my eyes and heard the door shut.






There was so many voices, so much noise, and I felt like I was flying. I opened my eyes and looked around. I wasn’t flying but I was moving. People were carrying me on the thing I have been on all this time. They opened the doors and I was overwhelmed. I had gotten kinda used to being in that one room now I have to get used to the whole world again. I feel something wet on my face. I rub my eyes they are wet. I hear a voice saying “She’s crying.” The person I think is my dad comes and uses a white thing on my face. It feels good. My face becomes wet again and a strange noise starts to come out of my mouth. I can’t make it stop, my face keeps getting wetter and I feel a feeling that I don’t know how to describe. Then they opened a door of a strange thing on wheels and put me inside. My dad didn’t sit with me though, he opened a different door and the thing on wheels made a loud noise. It scared me. Then the door closed and that made an even louder noise which sent a weird feeling all through my body. My face was no longer wet and I no longer had that feeling that I didn’t know how to describe. Then we started moving again and I looked out the window. I saw these unfamiliar sights pass my me. Then we stopped in front of a structure and my dad opened the door. Another person came out and said “Maybell!” Was that my name, maybe, it’s my dad's name. Then she hugged my dad and said “How is she Darek?” “Well she lost her memory and can’t talk. The doctor gave me a list of all the things that we can try to do to help her.” Dad said. So I guess my name is Maybell, pretty. Wait. Is that other person my mom? I need to find out. They lift me up and bring me inside this big structure and it's amazing so pretty, I don’t know what it is though. Do we stay here? Is this where I learn? They put me down on the ground and lift me up onto a very soft squishy surface. It's smaller than what I had been on and it is soft on two sides. Then they tried to put something on my face. I made another noise. They stopped. “It's food.” Dad said. What is food? I asked to myself. But I trust that my dad knows best so I open my mouth. The object has a taste. I don’t know what to do next. They tell me to close my mouth again. I do. Nothing changes. I open my mouth, close it again over and over as they told me to. The object is no longer in my mouth but the taste is. I start to feel that I have done this before. There is the slightest bit of memory of this “food” stuff. I try to ask for more and they understood. The taste was different. I open and close my mouth over and over. This one is gone faster. The other taste is gone but the new one is better. The more that I do this the more that I understand how it works the food goes away the taste stays. I get more the food goes away the taste stays. It becomes more and more familiar. It makes this feeling build up inside of me. The corners of my lips curl. It is the best feeling I have ever felt. I feel at home. I feel something I can't describe. My dad comes in  and reaches out his arms and wraps them around me. It feels amazing.


The Decision   

“I want her to go to Marino Public School. They have a  great program for kids like Maybell.” I heard dad say. School? I don’t know what that is “Fisjdhf!” I say. My dad comes running in and tries to figure out what I am asking for. I don’t know how to ask. He is trying to understand. I want to know what school is. I try to say school. But it comes out. “

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