Stories

It Would Be A Lie

by Sasha K., Age 13 , Grade 8, Coronado Middle School, San Diego, CALIFORNIA USA
Teacher: Jennifer Landry

It would be a lie if I said

"I'm never happy."

I am. I'm happy when my friends and I talk about spicy mangoes and long homework projects we haven't started yet.

I'm happy when the boy I like brushed his feathery hair from his face and playfully teases me about the time I painted constellations on one leg and flowers on the other.

I'm happy when I hug my tall friend with her soft mustard cardigan.

I'm happy when I'm invited to my best friends house and we bake for hours, the smell of cinnamon and chili and dough filling the air. 

It would be a lie if I said

"I'm never happy."

I am.

But...

At 4 am when everyone is asleep.

When the boy I like is in deep slumber. When the girl with the mustard cardigan rests. When my best friend sleeps soundly, I am awake
 
I am awake.

I am awake because of the thoughts running rampant through my head.
Like little kids tearing up weeds. Ripping the leave to pieces and tossing little piles into the air like green confetti.

I can't sleep.

Because two years ago I said something stupid and now I can't forget it and it's burned into my memory and I can't sleep.

I can't sleep.

Because the tears running down my face from something someone said yesterday or 6 months ago ring clear in my head and they wet my pillow and I can't sleep on a wet pillow.

I can't sleep.

Because fears and monsters that are kept away by laughter and people are gone by day and back by night and I can't sleep because those masters lurk withing me and they won't let me sleep.

It would be a lie if I said

"I'm never happy."

But at 4 am with the wet pillow and the green confetti and the shadowy monsters with fear and words I said so many months back I can't remember who i said them too I can't sleep.

And I'm not happy.

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